Imagination, big clubs and “the basics.”

February 7, 2007

xxx-tottenham-hotspur.gifStandard disclaimer: this is about football and should only be read by the intellectually feeble. Intelligent people may get a nasty sprain and an odd sensation in their pelvis. Ignore this and have a bit of a lie down…

I note with pain my football team’s stumble back into the lower half of the Premiership table. The pain is exacerbated by the news that we have also fallen below the all-conquering, almighty never-won-anything self proclaimed biggest club of all time: Newcastle.

If there is one thing that annoys me about people who support teams that have not won anything in ten years (mine included) or, in fact, ever (Newcastle) it is the “big club debate.” Are we a big club? Aren’t we a big club? Do people care about us. Do they even know who we are? Will we still get a Christms card from Europe if we don’t qualify? Will someone invite us to the Prom? Boo hoo. Sniffle.newcastle_big_club.png

I do, of course, have to allow a little leeway for people who get into this debate who support Spurs. They are obviously people of good character and discerning tastes temporarily diverted into worthless conversation through frustration and disappointment. They therefore should not be beaten over the head for 16 hours straight with Anne Robinson like certain whingers from Newcastle and England’s “second city” (what the fuck does that mean, anyway?), merely given exasperated looks, committed to an asylum or strictly avoided.

Ultimately I don’t give a crap if we’re not a big club as long as we play good football and occasionally win a cup here or there. I would like to see us perform above the individual abilities of our players, not below. That is, after all, the aim of any team. As it stands we are a camp, wealthy, old, white cock-rel with no imagination looking up an ‘orrible coal-miner’s poop-shoot. Surely we can do better? At least Arsenal speaks a foreign language! Or, more to the point, can speak a language.

And here, stuck 10,000 miles away I am starting to suspect that my incessant screaming and violent outpourings at the television are not getting through to the dugout at White Hart Lane. Inconceivable as this may seem I ask if the point might be made by a new chant from the stands, a new message to our dear old Martin Jol. Perhaps in the form of the chorus to a dubious 80’s hit:

Imagination – could make a man of you
Imagination – could make [us] love you too
Imagination – is all [we] want from you!

Belouis Some- Imagination

This weekend we get to play Reading, I believe. In the world of “big clubs” they are a team worth slightly less than a farthing- currently sitting 5 places and 7 points above us in the league. So fellas, the round thing is called a ball: we want you to place into the back of that supported net thingy at the other side of the field a good few times this weekend. Yes, Robinson, yes. Just like Manchester United did to us the other day. Well done, well noticed.

[08/02/2007- since this was also published on Laus who runs it was kind enough to point out that my belief system, like the catholics before me, is bollocks and we are, in fact, playing Sheffield United this weekend. That said all the comments bar the one about their league position can stand.]


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