The Bible. Revelations. Abridged.

March 5, 2007

Since I read revelations for research into my last piece I thought I would do an abridged version for people who don’t have time to read the whole thing. Like the “study helpers” students use in College and University.

Here you go: Revelations (abridged)

There is God, the Good Guy and The Beast, the Bad Guy.

The Good Guy has a book called “the book of life.” It is sort of like the membership list on an exclusive country club.

Sometimes God is a sheep. It isn’t explained but it’s probably ineffable.

God (the Good Guy) tells everyone he’s going to kill them.

The Beast (bad Guy) stands next to all the armies of man to help defend them.

God (the Good Guy) kills absolutely everyone including The Beast (the Bad Guy).

People on the membership list get into the Country Club (called Heaven). No dogs allowed*.

People in the Country Club have a very good time as long as it’s PG rated.

PS: If you fuck with the text of Revelations you are in deep shit.

*- 22:15 Outside are the dogs

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5 Responses to “The Bible. Revelations. Abridged.”


  1. […] post by midnightjester and plugin by Elliott Back […]

  2. Michael Says:

    The title of the book you refer to not “Revelations” with an S; it is “Revelation.”


  3. May God strike me down… eventually.

  4. Oscarandre Says:

    Or should that be “Gods?”


  5. Dear Oscar

    I don’t think Thor or Apollo would mind my spelling errors when referring to the Bible as it is somewhat bereft of their presence…

    Jester


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