Feeling Stupid

April 8, 2007

If you have a day where you are feeling a little dumb. A day, lets say, where you have written your first ever predictions column for a sports magazine and got everything, against all odds, horribly, terrifically and spectacularly wrong. To feel better and have restored to you some sense of intelligence and cognisance above that of a lemming, brick, politician or talent-show judge one need only to turn to the news.

Intelligence and stupidity are, after all, comparatives. So what is happening that I can compare myself and my various vagaries to out there in the world that will make me feel better?

Well, there are the people who think we can really do a damn thing about global warming: they’ve lost their minds. Even if we had acted when we first discovered the concept in the late 70’s the odds of reversing or controlling it were small. Only a nuclear winter could stop it now, maybe, possibly, probably not, actually… someone call George W. We need a decider!

Then there are the people who are convinced that we have a clue what the result of global warming will be. They’re gormless too. It could get hotter, it could get colder, it could cause the Alien Lizards controlling our world to finally bugger off because the climate no longer suits them leaving the world in a state of love, peace, harmony and skimpy bathing suits.

I feel a little better already.

Then there are people who think the war in Iraq had anything to do with anything other than money. The Americans that think George W. did the right thing when he invaded Iraq and, as well, the ones that think he did the wrong thing. Americans in general, in fact. With the exception of the ones who watch (and understand) The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. And a friend of mine who drinks too much and is fun. And some of his friends. Maybe.

Anyone who is reading the book “The Secret” right now and believes any of the words contained within with their tiny, little brains- except for the word “the” which is used in an entirely truthful context in the book.

Kissing in public is illegal in India and they haven’t made their government to overturn the law, so that’s a billion people being stupid over there. 90% of all people who trust any statistic given to them ever are completely retarded, so I feel much smarter than them, too.

Everyone ever who believes that planets revolving around the sun have anything to do with whether they “are going to have to make difficult personal decisions on Thursday” and, even worse, that believes that if this were true the person who knew the system would be writing a magazine column for minimum wage instead of ruling the entire planet or owning Starbucks. How thick.

So I might have been off a little in some fun predictions in a news column. So what? Look at the world out there. They are insane.

I feel so much better now.



8 Responses to “Feeling Stupid”

  1. myotherhalf Says:

    Hmmm, I wasn’t feeling stupid and yet this post made me feel better all the same. Lovely. Thank you for that. One of my go-to items for days when I’m feeling poorly about myself, the documentary Trekkers.

  2. daveross Says:

    Don’t feel stupid just accept like they all should that WE JUST DON’T KNOW. Hawkings? hasn’t got a clue, The Pope? all guess work, Jeremy Clarkson? wouldn’t know what damage his stupid cars are or are not doing, Greenpeace? fucking hippies, United Nations? good God The United Nations why? You’re not stupid you just accept your limits like all sane people do. The world is on a knifedge, has been since the dawn of time and there’s fuck all you, I or anyone can do about it! Not even Bruce Willis.

  3. Solnushka Says:

    You know you are dead wrong, jester. You _can_ turn back the tide of global warming (how’s that for a pun?) if you use one less plastic bag in the supermarket once a fortnight. Didn’t you know that?

    Actually, I reckon to get everything wrong takes a touch of genius. If you made a habit of it, too, people would have something to trust in an otherwise incomprehensible world. I’d aim for that.

  4. Dear myotherhalf,

    Glad it worked for someone besides me. If ever it doesn’t just remember: better living through chemistry….


  5. Dear daveross

    I accepted that “I don’t know nuthin” a long time ago and am much happier for it. best to just make it all up as you go along and get drunk with your mates. As philosophy goes it may not be Aristotle but I have more fun than he did.


  6. Dear Solnushka

    Plastic bags are the way forward to defeat global warming. Simply place said bags over the head of annoying people until they stop moving. Sure, the planet might still get hotter but the remaining people would be cooler…


  7. Solnushka Says:

    Not sure there are enough plastic bags yet then…

  8. Dear Solnushka

    It’s worse than that- they used to give plastic bags for free and now you have to pay for them so the poor don’t get the same rights to do away with people. That’s not fair


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