The Washington Post recently held a contest for readers in which they were asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. Some of the prizewinners:

Abdicate (v): to give up hope of ever having a flat stomach
Carcinoma (n): a valley in California notable for its heavy smog
Esplanade (v): to attempt an explanation while drunk
Willy-nilly (adj): impotent
Flabbergasted (adj): appalled by how much weight you have gained
Negligent (adj): describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie
Lymph (v): to walk with a lisp
Gargoyle (n): an olive-flavoured mouthwash
Bustard (n): a very rude Metrobus driver
Coffee (n): a person who is coughed upon
Flatulence (n): the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you have been run over by a steamroller
Balderdash (n): a rapidly receding hairline
Testicle (n): a humorous question in an exam
Semantics (n): pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood, including such things as gluing the pages of the prayer-book together just before vespers
Rectitude (n): the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you
Oyster (n): a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions
Circumvent (n): the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

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6 Responses to “New Word Definitions”


  1. Here’s one my son came up with-
    “aspirate”- when your butt sweats.

  2. Frank Hines Says:

    Sarchasm: Abysmal sarcasm

  3. Anne Says:

    Banalogy – drivel

  4. Ralph Says:

    Infoverage – When old people ramble on and on about their youth; meaning too much information; what happens after a presidential debate including the news commentary by the reporters as to what they really meant.

  5. ANdrew Says:

    Mastif:- group tumescence

  6. molly mason Says:

    catalyst a three legged cat


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